Rant #6: In Which
the Author Takes The Easy Way Out
As the new year approaches, I feel it's time to make a list of writing resolutions
for 2006. Mind you, I'm as likely to keep these as I am to keep my regular resolutions (standing list:
lose weight, go to gym, clean office, learn Swedish), but I feel they're worthy goals to strive for,
and by stating them publicly I may shame myself into achieving at least one or two. So here goes,
my ten writing resolutions for 2006:
1-To show my respect for H.P. Lovecraft and his achievements,
I will not write any more Cthulhu Mythos stories. I will, however, take every opportunity to remind
people that there is a raging and long-standing debate within the Lovecraft academic community as
to whether or not the so-called Cthulhu Mythos in fact exists.
2-I will write and attempt to sell a vampire cockroach story, just because I can.
3-I will banish Civil War Generals II
from my computer, and if you don't think this is a writing
resolution, believe me, it's more closely related to my word
count productivity than just about anything else this side
4-I will write at least one more Bigfoot story.
In theory, I will do this because I acquired an insane amount
of research material in order to write
"The Road Best Not Taken" and probably ought to use it for something other
than office insulation. In reality, it's because I downloaded
some sound files that are supposed to be "sasquatch calls", and whatever
they are, they give me four or five stories' worth of the
5-I will write another Bubbas story, and it will not include France.
6-I will finish, in no particular order, Thunderhead
Road, Black Water and Crimson, and at least one
other long-standing project. It's time all the long-standing
projects got to sit down, as their legs are probably pretty
tired by now.
7-I will never write a rant for the web site in list format ever again.
8-I will not write about writers, failed writers,
blocked writers, writers who had one hit and who are now being
pressured to come up with a followup, writers who have moved
back to the ancestral manse in East Earbuckle, New Hampshire
to discover the unspeakable evil lurking in the long-abandoned
dumbwaiter in the servant's quarters, writers hunting down
old friends with mysterious tales in order to uncover the
even more mysterious truth, and writers who find when researching
their next book that they've stumbled into ancient evil which
may be unspeakable but certainly can be written about at great
length and hopefully with a gratuitous sex scene tossed in
for the precocious fourteen year olds who've bought this at
the local B&N because the nearby Gamestop finally got wise
to the underage kids trying to buy copies of Grand Theft
Auto: Vice City.
9-As atmospheric as writing by candlelight may be, I will endeavor to find a form
of scribblers' ambience that is less likely to set off the shrieking horror of a smoke alarm at 3 AM.
10-I will murder my darlings, relentlessly and without pity or remorse.
I will, however, keep a cut file. You know, just in case.